25 Jan Examen by Paul A. White
I’m dismantling my ego
Like a toy you put together
For your child on Christmas day.
The directions are in Chinese
And there are so many more
Pieces than I imagined
From the picture on the box –
Where a joyous child is playing
With the grandest toy ever,
And which is all backed up by
An international ad campaign
Of self regard and satisfaction.
This work is done
In anger and frustration.
This work is done
In depression and despair.
Just look at me seated
In the middle of the floor
Among all these pieces!
Raging, or in tears now,
You’d think I was having
A tantrum! I wish to God
I was a better person.
Please see me with the love
My child has in his eyes
When he looks at me
With hopeful forgiveness.
Like a toy you put together
For your child on Christmas day.
The directions are in Chinese
And there are so many more
Pieces than I imagined
From the picture on the box –
Where a joyous child is playing
With the grandest toy ever,
And which is all backed up by
An international ad campaign
Of self regard and satisfaction.
This work is done
In anger and frustration.
This work is done
In depression and despair.
Just look at me seated
In the middle of the floor
Among all these pieces!
Raging, or in tears now,
You’d think I was having
A tantrum! I wish to God
I was a better person.
Please see me with the love
My child has in his eyes
When he looks at me
With hopeful forgiveness.
About the Poet
Paul A. White lives in Amherst and is a registered nurse working in pediatric home care. Diagnosed with clinical schizophrenia at age 17, he has made writing a daily practice for nearly 40 years. His chapbook, The Difficult Gift published in 2011 by Jeanne Duval Editions of Atlanta, contains poems about his affliction, its treatment and his recovery. In 2016, he was named one of four recipients of the first annual New York State “Poetry Unites” contest for an essay he wrote on the work of poet David Ignatow.
The Poem of the Week feature is curated by literary legacy awardee R.D. Pohl.