Like a cup overflowing, I race like water down a hardwood coffee table
I feel my legs burn with the exhaustion
Risking stealing a glance
I turn and see the light shrinking behind me

I pause and look up
My chest heaving as ice fills my lungs
The stars above wink down at me,
Urging my body to turn around and accept the light into my life

“Let it warm you”
“Let it thaw your frozen heart”

Instead, I collapse into the grass
And for the first time in my life,
I don’t care that I’m getting mud on my clothes,
dried grass threading through my hair

The stars beckon me,
Ask me how long I will lie and
S T A R E

They wonder how much time I will waste envying their light
What they don’t understand is that my light is not as gentle as theirs
She doesn’t settle into my soul, gently crawling to rest
My light is jagged and harsh and angry
Above all else, my light is hot with rage
So yes it is easier to relish in the light of others,
How do you stuff something so violent into your body?

I cannot blame her
for her violence, her anger
She has witnessed the accomplishments of many,
Watched as new stars were born in the universe,
A new light to outshine her, to force her into the shadows again
How can one not be angry when they are constantly reminded
of how small they truly are?

Breathing takes effort when you are so focused on not paling in comparison to those around you
Each inhale becomes a reminder that you are here,
You have been granted this fleeting moment
Each exhale comes with the realization that the moment has passed,
Followed by the nagging question: Could I have done more with it?

I want to be great
Not flashing lights, millions of fans
But remembered as someone strong
Overcoming the rollercoaster that I used to be too scared to even look at
Bright enough to blind
But soft enough to hold
Strong enough to succeed
But still human enough to feel

I don’t think I want to be empty
Deep down, I yearn to feel full,
Bursting at the seams with life, love, inspiration
If I have to take the bad with the good
At least my bad doesn’t deter my beauty

I will not allow myself to become digestible

I will not water down the bitter taste of my soul
simply so you can bear the taste of me on your tongue
Nor will I fall to my knees and beg you to love me

I was not meant to be poured over ice
Chased with something you deem sweeter than my joy,
my love, my heart, my soul

We are meant to be savored,
Sipped and appreciated slowly
Eventually, someone will find your bitterness enjoyable
Relish in the burning of their throat
It’s that moment when you realize that the spiked edges of your light,
your love, your heart, your soul,
Can be held in the arms of another along with the rest of you.

A glowing beast,
Armed with sharp talons and a white-hot fury
She is stubborn and strong
But most importantly,
My light is me.
An integral part of my being,
She is the drive behind my passion
She is the yearning,
the hunger to do more,
that fuels my soul.